V2 Things Can('t) be the Same

I open my eyes to the blinding light
and felt the need to close them
only morning,
and already my distrado was fueled

I felt no relaxation in the shower,
recalling what was said to me
"you can only completely understand yourself"
those words didn't roll off as easily as the water

Anger flowed through me
as easily as the butter went on the toast
though it met less resistance
as it started to spread inside myself

the front door slams closed
the sky isn't blue
the grass isn't green
my distrado only sees in gray

I hate what I can't understand
so by his implanted reasoning
I hated everything
I can't reject the truth

You changed me
for the better I think
I can pick the moment out from the strands of time,
I can't forget something like that

sitting alone you slide next to me
"you look sad, do you want this"
a tray of desert pushed in my direction
I look incredulously at it then you

the first bite was the sweetest
The fat strawberry, ripe with ancient feelings
your giggle as you wipe away
some red juice dripping down my chin

I saw it then in that moment
there as you smiled
your eyes carried an immeasurable sadness
that same look i saw everyday in the mirror

you'll never know how happy I was
when you wanted to spend the day with me
being with you I felt guilty though,
misery loves company

the walk in the park seems so surreal
the evening sun dipping low
your hair reflected in the golden light
made you seem like a spirit passing through

the feel of the cool deep grass
on our backs we created galaxies
we spoke of literature, art, love
and of gods that had long since past

saying our good byes you stood there
averting your eyes I already knew
a white flower reflecting lunar light,
my response to unspoken words

I woke the next day with a purpose
my heart tugging at me
I couldn't be late
I hate hospitals

Giving your name
I run to the room
Ignoring shouts
I couldn't be late

I was late
I stood there in the empty room
sheets folded neatly, everything tidy
my distrado wanted to ruin it

tear the sheets
break the glass
destroy everything
but I stood there

I saw the vase
and a permanent hole was punched
right into my angry heart
lunar light still lingered on the petals

I dropped to my knees
and for the first time in a long time
I cried,
it was all I could do for you



i changed up a few things, it seems better now though, i like it.